Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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