She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
