The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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