When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
