if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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