I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
