so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
