Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
