does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
