called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
