Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
