He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
