I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
