do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
