Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
