Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
