i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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