she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I want is dick and wine.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
