I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
