I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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