I'm going to jail i love you
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
