After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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