How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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