she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize