holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
