glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
her vagine was all disorganized.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think your dad took our porno
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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