So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
