My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
