My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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