I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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