YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Holy shit dude........stairs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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