Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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