There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize