Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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