she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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