Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
