your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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