More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize