Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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