You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
