My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
