Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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