I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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