Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
