Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
