did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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