Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Two words: nipple clamps
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