there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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