My sheets look like a crime scene.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
