You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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