True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
