Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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