please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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