butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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