Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
