Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
