ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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