Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
