did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
MIDGETS
????
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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