i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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