I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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