Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
