i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
